Saturday, 7 December 2019

Wrong reasons for marriage

So... It's high time you get settled (settle down), everyone plus you know that you are off age and you can't get any younger for sure. Family members are anticipating your I.V and boom! Your friends keep asking you "is that the right one?", And now you're thinking you've had enough of all this "single" title and you're ready to swap the title for "married", anyways it's not bad to think marriage, neither is it also bad to choose to remain single till it all works out too.

Today we would be running through the wrong reasons why people get married, which in turn gets the marriage too hot to handle.

Before I continue on this, I would love to say a word I once heard from Pastor Sam Oluwatoye; "Before you settle down, make sure you've settled up". As meaningful or meaningless as it may sound depending on your view, this little saying goes alot in explaining maturity before marriage, personal stability and marital attributes to possess before thinking marriage.

Ok... Back to our subject of the day.

Are there reasons why we end up in the wrong marriages or why we make wrong marriage choices? Yes! There are more than enough reasons why we get married. This wrong choices has often led to divorce, marital abuse, and so many things which unknowingly to us has also left a negative or will rather leave a negative impact on the children.

Little did I myself know that wrong choices are quite different from wrong reasons, but we're not treating wrong choices today, our main focus is on the wrong reasons why we get married. Identifying this reasons hasn't been easy though but through constant experience shared from relationship experts, victims and victors this masterpiece (like I always say) has the perfect answers to this unsolved or not-fully-solved puzzles.

Marriage is beyond love. Ever heard of this (marriage is beyond love)? Well just in case you haven't, you have heard it now... And you will get to find out why.

So what are these wrong reasons? Let's find out...

Fear: like they; "say everything you desire is on the other end of fear" . Many victims of Marital abuse, divorces and unsettled homes stemed from this disease called fear.

 Wondering what I mean?

The average lady out there gets anxious towards saying yes to any incoming proposal from any man just to fight the fear of being talked about, fear of family harassment due to ageing, fear of discrimination etc.

And once this phobia sets in, there's a very high percentage of making a big move to get married because of these fears which unendingly echoes in our heads.

Hey... Don't get it twisted, it's not only the feminine gender that has this as a feature or a wrong reason for getting married, men too do get married because of fear, yeah... Men are less pressured to getting married our of fear but certainly they do too.

Men who's family or friends have almost completed the circle of marriage leaving only them with the title "bachelor" are mostly subjected to fear of castigation, isolation, and many more, even fear of always being ridiculed or used as a bad example during conversation.

Many have gotten themselves into marriage because of this very wrong reason.

Remember, the same people you're afraid will talk against you if you remain single and happy will come against you if you are married and unhappy.

Being the odd one out: similar to a scenario I stated earlier, this is a simple case where the title "bachelor or spinster" starts choking you because your friends are all bearing the "Mr and Mrs" title. And this is one major reason why many said yes and tampered with their future.

 Just because you want to feel among and keep your circles, then you end up terminating your own happiness, and in a worst case scenario, this could even have negative influence on your children.

May I have you know that you owe no one the responsibility of getting married because they are married not do you owe anyone an apology for being single.

Calm your nerves and relax your mind, let the feelings of rejection (odd feelings) pass by and get on with life. If you get into marriage because of you not wanting to be the odd one out and it leads to a divorce, hey... You're just the perfect odd one.

Attention: As funny as this may sound... It's very true. There a lot of attention seekers who can't just help it, and because of this they pressure their partner into taking them to the alter or say yes just to keep them permanently glued to them.

Which is very wrong! Imagine tying the knot because of this silly reason and boom! It all end up in a disastrous situation. At a time you or your other half would get sick and tired, in fact, you both could geth tired and where does it all finally end? Divorce....

Don't evert think of marriage because of attention, think marriage because of submission, retention and progression.

Sex or sex related issues: yes... Here's one major reason why men speed up the process of getting married and this ends up making them have a shot lived happy home.

I'm not saying women don't do this too, but, it's more common with masculine gender.

The need to satisfy sexual urges had pushed many to getting married even when they aren't prepared not mentally ready to handle the heat of marriage.

The most amazing part of this awful motive is that on the long run, they both get tired of each other and the need or urge to cheat starts setting in because they never married to stay together, they married to satisfy their sexual urges.

Indebtedness: laughable as it is, very true and realistically damaging to the human society. We do a lot of things as a result of the feeling of being indebted to one person or the other, but getting married as a result of this same crazy reason is one hell of a super wrong reason to get married.

Yes, the person in question might have helped you or stuck with you through a lot and in the process he or she develops feelings for you, now you obviously don't love or want to spend the rest of your life with the person in question, but, because you feel the person has been there from day one, you then start feeling inconsiderate to want to give a no, owing to this you start feeling indebted to paying he or she back with a yes as means of compensation.

My dear, how long would it take before you both realise it wasn't love, it was just emotional attachment due to regular activities or things you both did while you also see yourself in the position of an unfulfilled person just because you said yes out of feeling indebted to someone.

Past mistakes: did you live a lifestyle that ended up shattering your hopes of ever having a home to call yours? And now you've seen someone who desperately need to get married as a result of pressure, or maybe someone who needs marriage as an escape root, it looks like the perfect time to hook yourself to marriage.

Well, let me remind you that; it is better to learn from your past mistakes, other than let it be a reason to make another wrong choice which could even be more disastrous.

Let go off your past, live like you never did exist... Trust me, there's always someone out there who will love and value you for who you are.

To impress others: in most part of the world, if not every part though... Married people are more respected than the single ones. Why? Many believe that the married ones are more decent compared to the single ones.

So, because of this ideological differences, some get married to impress others, command respect (especially in the African setting) and show off to their pals.

But, would such marriage stand the test of time? I'm sure you and I know the answer to that.

Let's not forget that marriage is a life contract and not a movie where you can decided to pick up roles and star in a movie for a period.

A broken heart isn't as worst as a broken home...

There are lots of other wrong reasons why people get married too.

Some are:

  • Appearance of the partner
  • Covetousness
  • Emotional attachment
  • Security
  • Career

So, why not make up your mind to stay true to yourself and make a single lifetime decision to get married for the right reason(s), and let your kids thank you in future for securing a happy home and a favourable future for them.

Remember this... Marriage is beyond love.

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Stanley is an exceptional copywriter and content marketer (certified) well known for his creativity and research speciality, an accountant who brings more than just accountability to the table awarded to my vast knowledge in digital marketing which I am a Google certified and a tech genius specialised in blogging, web design, graphics and the effective use of all Microsoft packages.